amateur art - lilly satou again

nothing major, just a digital version of the Lilly drawing from last time. I'd wanted to make one like this, because I was really happy with the original color pencil drawing, but wanted to see it all clean-looking and whatnot. It's like the difference between VHS and DVD. 

Or LaserDisc

With the layer feature in SketchBook Pro, making this was as easy as tracing on top of a scan of the original. It was actually pretty challenging considering that's "all" it was. A lot of my drawings don't really have clear outlines, and I'd wanted to try my hand at that. The color pencil version had a lot of blending, and so making this new one required a lot of decisions about where to put the lines, what color to make them, and how thick. Inkers really don't get respect, I find.

amateur art - lilly satou

we did it! We made it to the end of the Katawa Shoujo series of drawings! Here's a video of someone's kid using a party blower:

And here's the actual drawing. Unfortunately for this medium I'm not able to do any timelapse videos (I don't have the rig for a realtime-capture, or the patience for constant scanning). 

"Relief"

If you're not following, I had made a project out of drawing the 5 female lead characters from Katawa Shoujo; I had done multiple versions of the other 4 but for some reason had never done one of Lilly in between. I think it's because I loved her story the most, and so I wanted to (a) make my own drawing without copying someone else's, and (b) get as much practice as possible first. Since I started posting my drawings, I've gone from making bad copies, to making okay copies, to making my own bad work, to making my own okay work. This drawing is what you get at the end of that progression.

The pencil set I used made it a little difficult to blend; the cores are a little stiff and so I only had opportunity to put 1 or 2 colors together before the page started to get a "laminate" feel, and really couldn't be erased or changed after that. I didn't have too much experience with blending color pencils, so what you're seeing above is really a first-timer's attempt with that sort of thing. That may not have been the smart way to go, especially if I was planning for this to be a sort of "culmination" of my experience to this point. I'm only so-happy with it, if I'm being honest. I really liked the way the hair came out though. Mixing yellow with some browns and blacks really came out looking good, but I did forget to give it some curl, like Lilly is supposed to have. You can see the character's original artwork from the game below. The simple explanation is that I got started coloring without realizing. That actually happened in more than one place, like the shirt and hands.

No more flat irons!

I had only done a very basic rough sketch before I started coloring, so the whole thing had a pretty indefinite shape going in, and I made most of the decisions as I colored. That was very stupid, since you get 1 chance in a lot of cases, because the pencils don't erase completely. But I did get a lot of help from DrawWithJazza's tutorials on Youtube, particularly with the anatomy of the arms and hands, and the fabric. He does some great instructional videos; there are a ton of YouTubers who do drawing tutorials, but his are uniquely well-produced, and easy to follow. I really recommend checking his channel out if you're with me in the "novice" camp and are looking to pick up some solid tips. Here's the fabrics video I watched, which helped me with making her shirt look like it was made from a thin, tight fabric. You can see how he makes it simple by breaking fabric types down to 4 groups.

The hands were a struggle, so I did work on them a fair bit before applying color. If you check my last 2 drawings, you'll see I conveniently (read: deliberately) drew them in positions that covered them up, or allowed me to crop them out. The ones here actually didn't look good at all when I first colored them, but I was able to save it a little bit with some line work. You can see it in the knuckles and outlines of the fingers. I wasn't so lucky on the breasts though. I made the early mistake of outlining them too much early on, and so they wound up looking like butt cheeks or something. I did some more research and found that it's more effective to have them look like a single angular mass. I say "I did some more research", which is code for "played Half-Life 2 and noticed Judith Mossman's boobs". Take a look: 

You can see how they really only stand out from the rest of her anatomy by way of a single, horizontal undershadow. I tried to get the shadow on my drawing to look like more of a straight line but could only do so much. Those 3 black lines, above the breasts and below her neck, unfortunately couldn't be removed either. As was the case in a few other areas, drawing the anatomy in the rough sketch would have gone a long way. Oh well. 

So yeah, we're done with the series. I'm still a big fan of KS, so you might see them come up every now and then in between whatever I post after, but the project is officially closed at last. Whew!

a defense of misery

buddy, you haven't lived until you've been completely effing miserable. And I don't mean that in a way like "you should face adversity because it will make you a better person". I mean it like "Man, you gotta get in on this!" I'll give you a little background on what makes me say that. In most of my social circles, I'm the one that "hates everything". I'm everybody's Sheldon Cooper, who somehow finds faults in everything they love.

Ba-zing ..................... Screw it.

I'm exaggerating, but I sometimes get asked "Why can't you just enjoy things?" It's a fair question to ask the guy that's incessantly telling you that your favorite things are dumb. Most just seem to have an inclination to focus on the positives parts of things. I'm a little weird, and one of the many consequences is I just focus on negatives instead. I could come up with a few reasons, if pressed. It's productive for me, and a skill I've developed over the years. If applying a little thought allows me to see life's unpleasantries coming, I can step around them. When something bad does happen, you're just as bummed, but you usually at least knew it was coming and can put up with it better. Most people can understand the value in thinking that way, but it's not their default setting because they'd hate having to live that way. I ... do too, but I have a talent for it.

A lot of people misunderstand and think I hate life, or at least think too much. But I don't. I just don't find happiness very interesting as a goal. I think happiness gets a little too much credit. I've never trusted it. Finding it is the singular goal of most peoples' lives. It's so important that the right to pursue it was included in the goddamn Declaration of Independence, up there with the right to life.  It's what everyone wants, and just about everything a person does in his or her life is a manifestation of that, in some way. People want it regardless of whether they think existence ends at their physical death, or whether they believe eternal happiness is waiting on the other side anyway. It's one of the few things that is constant when looking between genders, races, and what team you took in Twilight. I was team Jacob myself.

Because cross-eyed werewolves are people, too

But I think that's a little misguided. One of the primary reasons is that our current understanding of it it is a very recent thing, with that certain "go out and get it" attitude. But how many times, after getting something you wanted, would you have called yourself truly "happy" because of it? I feel like most of us are out of touch with what that even means. The most popular version of it that I see people going after is accumulating wealth, so you can have and do what you want. But in my own experience, that's tolerable for about ... 4 hours. If I'm allowed to watch TV, play videogames, and such to my heart's content, that's about how long I can put up with it. If I'm home because I took the day off (I recently took a small vacation because my hours for it had reached their cap), I start to wish I had work to do at around 2:00 PM. Put simply, I need errands, I need chores, and I need problems. For me to truly enjoy myself, something has to go wrong or need fixing. The bored, stale, and unfulfilled feeling you get after a day spent in front of the TV is worse than any depressing realization you'll have while actually using your brain.

I speak from experience on both fronts

Just like how people actively pursue happiness, they actively avoid discomfort. We're not talking about the kind of turmoil that disasters and significant losses cause. That's another thing entirely. I'm talking about the kind of misery that comes from things like blaming yourself, having feelings you can't express, feeling trapped, and having generally no confidence. I know it sounds like I'm trying to do the exact opposite of make a case for it, but I have to tell you, in all honesty: It's good stuff. I blame myself for things, based on what I've seen others do. That is, I deliberately avoid doing certain things if I hate when others do them. I try to not be confident because it used to bother me to see others act over-confident. A small dose of self-doubt is healthy. So a lot of it stems from just being fair, and not wanting to imitate the bad examples of others. Disliking a trait or action of others, but then doing it yourself, would be wrong.

Human beings are capable of a complete range of feelings and emotional states. That we would spend 100% of our time focusing our attention on only one of them is a huge limiter. We treat misery like a disease; you'd be hard pressed to find a single TV commercial break that doesn't have an ad for antidepressants.But I wouldn't change that part of me if I could. I can tell you that I've been the most legitimately alive when I was miserable. It was what fueled so much of what I did; it was my creative and emotional spark. When I had that, I was also the most perceptive I had ever been. It was what got me started with writing in the first place. It came from a place of idealism. I would get angry at things that I thought were dumb, which would get my wheels turning and lead me to some kind of philosophical nugget, inspiring me to write. And I'm not alone; there are tons of other people who achieved some pretty amazing things, and managed to make others happy because they were so very un-happy. Communicating your own experience with those kinds of emotions helps others deal with their own. Poe never would have written Telltale Heart if he was high on life. Nine Inch Nails wouldn't exist, period.

"I wanna [adore] you like an ani-maaaaal!"

It comes with other benefits too. My most prized and dare-I-say distinctive attribute is my sense of humor. I would not have that piece of myself if I was a happy person. If I didn't have a general resentment towards things, I wouldn't look at them so critically, and I would miss a lot of the details that go into making a joke. So that joke I made up yesterday or the day before, which got others to laugh out loud, never would have happened. To have a "need" to make fun of something, you kind of have to get pissed off by it first. Nobody writes a joke about Starbucks's ubiquity unless something about that bothers them. Nobody writes jokes about being married unless their spouse annoys them in some way shape or form. And I never would have written an article about advertising to gamers, unless one of the ads I saw made me chuck my monitor out the window. It also allows you to bring a relatively fresh perspective into some situations, which can be really helpful. I've helped others avoid some really stupid mistakes on more than one occasion, because (without giving myself too much credit) I was the only one who saw a problem with what they were planning.

I've managed to lighten up in the past few years, which is actually what's brought this to my attention in a new way. I think exercise had something to do with it. I've always thought this way about misery, but as I mellow out and feel generally "happier", I can't shake the feeling that something's missing now. I get the value of mellowing out; misery is definitely the sort of thing that's best in moderation, but I simply don't have as many insights as I used to. Consequently I have way fewer things to contribute to discussions. I'm less idealistic now and don't mind a compromise here or there because eff it, I'm tired. And having that attitude actually makes me sad. As much as misery can be frustrating and at times unbearable, the emotional dilation you feel as a result is pretty incredible. Sadness isn't a negative emotion to me. Neither is heartache. Or melancholy. Each of them, while having their own ranges of pain, are all wonderful parts of being human the way anything else is. South Park probably communicates it better than I can:

So the next time you encounter someone who to seems to have a general sense of melancholy, don't treat them like they're diseased. They have something to offer just like anyone else; they just see things differently than you do. If you think it sucks trying to handle being around them, try living that way. And the next time you're feeling down, don't spend that time wishing you were happier. Use that new mental state to do something different. Chances are you won't be there for long, and that part of your humanity will be lost forever if you just up and forget it once things get better. Don't turn your back on an entire facet of yourself. Paint something. Write something. Watch that movie you bought but forgot why. It's the only way to fly.

amateur art - mitsuru kirijo again

this is my 100th post, which is a bit of a deal to me. I don't write a day-in-the-life blog, where anything I do or think can be a post. When I put something on here (from drawings to written articles), it's usually something I've worked hard on, in my free time. I'm really glad that after starting a few years ago, I'm still at it. 

The month was a bit busy, but I managed to squeeze this in, in the nick of time. Also, I'm not numbering these art posts anymore, since I seem to do them more than anything now. Inspiration comes to us by way of Persona 3; the character below is Mitsuru Kirijo, class rep at a Japanese high school, and every stereotype that entails. 

I'm happy with this one. It's definitely the best line work I've ever done, though my name may deserve an asterisk the way Barry Bonds's does. See, I used an obscene amount of steady-stroke assist; very little of this is my own hand's strokes. It's a very welcome feature of SketchBook Pro, the software I use, but it does allow you to use crutches like that every now and then. I actually did demo Photoshop since my last drawing, but I found it too "big" for my current needs.
I really wanted to do smooth lines like I was able to get close to, with Emi (see that one here). But I wanted these lines to be really clean, too. While Emi was definitely a personal milestone where line work and sharpness was concerned, I'd wanted to do one that looked less "sketchy". I think this actually does that pretty well. I deliberately went with a female character so that I could test out smooth lines; males typically require sharper angles, at least where character design is concerned. I didn't go into it intending to do her arms bare, but that worked out happily too, giving me more practice with the more feminine, curvy lines, and having to communicate definition through the line. There's no sleeve for me to do folds and shadows on, so all of the work goes into it through the line. You can see a timelapse of it here:

This is one of the few times you can see me do an at-least halfway decent rough sketch before jumping into the fancy stuff. I've been watching tutorials on YouTube (mostly from Draw With Jazza), which have taught me a lot in terms of making stuff on command. Most of my drawings (the ones I would consider "good" anyway) could be half-attributed to luck in a lot of cases. This time, I really felt like I knew what I was doing. Whether that's imagined or not remains to be seen, but hey.

I took special care to do each line in one stroke (or at least fix it really carefully). Once I'd done that, I made sure I made all of the proper erasures to ensure there was little or no "bleeding" or unintended color overlap. The result (in my opinion) came out really really sharp, and is essentially what I was hoping it would look like. I had some trouble working out the eyes into a shape I liked, but was eventually able to figure it out. If you watch the video, you can see me struggle with it for a while. I had to pull up a picture of Mitsuru or two to make it happen. Thick eyelashes were surprisingly important to getting it right. The mouth also came out really well; I tried to do a more complicated shape but ultimately found less is more. So, yeah -- good times.

amateur art #14 - emi ibarazaki again

we're nearing the end of this series of drawings! The below pic of Emi Ibarazaki marks #4 out of 5, for the Katawa Shoujo projects. As I finish these, I'm finally starting to feel like my fandom is getting quenched, and I will stop "needing" to do em soon. The procedure for this one was a little different; I did the original sketch in pencil and scanned it, then used that to trace out the basic details in Sketchbook Pro, and basically added and added until I was satisfied. Check it out: 

My arm feels long...

The outcome of this one is about as close to the original game's artwork as I've been able to get. I'm proud of it in some ways because it's better than I thought I'd ever be capable of doing, though I have some criticisms for later. Let's do the good stuff first though, yeah?
Unlike with the last several drawings, I allowed myself access to whatever tools I wanted to use. I'd originally been using only 1 or 2 on other projects, so I could focus on improving my hand. Now that I'd gained some comfort with that, I allowed the fancier tools like line stabilization, airbrush, paintbrush, soft erase, and so on. As a result, I was able to do what I think is my best shirt fabric so far. It really does seem to fold up and overlap like real, doesn't it? Emi's a pretty skinny girl, so her shirt is supposed to look a bit loose, and I think that comes across okay. The shirt is a "ringer" type that has elastics on the neck and arms, that tighten at the ends. That's something you don't really think about beforehand, as far as how to make it look that way, but I think I did okay. I'd say the whole thing is on par with that drawing of Rin from a year ago. The major difference is that Rin was done as a painstaking 1:1 copy of a picture I'd found on the internet. This one is all me, top to bottom. From pose sketch to shadows, from skin tone to those little "balls" on the hair ties. Cool, huh? I'd watched some YouTube tutorials on shading with the airbrush tool which helped a lot with just about everything.

The hair also came together nicely. I used multiple layers on the hair alone, which was a process I was bit new to (I generally don't use that many). One of the tutorials I'd watched showed me to lay down a single base color, and then create a new layer on top of that for all of the highlights/shadows. It came out really nice and then I went to work outlining it for more details and strands. This helped me make the hair feel like it 'pops', and actually has some depth to it, while still being able to point out where it's pulled tight. Emi's hair consists of 2 pigtails, which means the area around the tails will be taut, and then she has loose bangs in front. That's the most complicated hair I've ever had to do, but I think I pulled it off, a little clumsiness aside. Noses and mouths are something I'll usually overthink. When you're doing anime-styled characters, it's usually okay to use little more than a single line for each, but this makes placement, thickenss and length incredibly important. In some cases it's best to just "imply" something is there, and I'm getting a little more comfortable with the how. Of course she has a nose, but to communicate that, you really only need to make a single line or dot. Before, I might have tried to do an "L" shape or an upside-down "7".

I do have criticisms. Her front arm seems a little long, like the elbow should start higher. I'm not sure if I'm imagining that. Her head is also a little big, but I figured that it's not all that uncommon for anime and cartoons in general, so as I was working I decided not to address it. It would have been a pain anyway. The pose is also really similar to the Hanako drawing from before, and doesn't really offer anything "new"; it's certainly not a dynamic pose and in that area didn't really offer me a new challenge, unless you count the practice it provided. Otherwise, I think it's okay.

So yeah, we're almost done. Next up is Lilly, and we can call the KS series quits. Like, numerically anyway. I'll probably still churn one of these out every so often.

amateur art #nothing - emi ibarazaki

this one was done as busy-work; it's not a proper entry. As always, Katawa Shoujo is proving an excellent inspiration for fan art. In that game, Emi's story was the first one I finished, and I really liked it; I'm surprised this is actually my first drawing of her. It came out alright, I guess. Everyone in that game has multiple outfits, but you see her in gym clothes most often (she runs track), so I went with that. I was getting tired of drawing the Yamaku school uniform anyway, and it gave me an opportunity to practice with the curvatures of stuff like arms. When you're drawing bare arms, you really only have the outline to work with for shape, which is harder than it sounds. For me, anyway. Ya know; beginner.

I still can't do eyes right, so I had to erase and redraw them so many times that the paper is almost torn, but I got em down in just the nick of time. One more would have probably put a hole in it.When scanning it in, I gave it a little bit of a tint, and ran it through a filter or two.

"Gameboy"

It otherwise came together without issue. Shirt folds in particular used to be a frustrating challenge, but I was able to make 'em happen comfortably this time. I'd intended to just make the basic pose in graphite, so I could do a proper color pencil drawing. But quickly found myself adding more and more detail, and eventually decided to just finish it this way, then scan it and add a tint. Good times.

amateur art #13 - l

today's drawing inspiration comes from Death Note, an anime I had recently finished. It was pretty good; I know it's one of the staple shows out there that everyone has seen, and I was last to jump on the bandwagon. But if you haven't seen it, it's totally recommended, and on Netflix. 

This drawing was admittedly done with less care than the others; I was just kind of goofing around. If you know the character (his name is L), you know that I messed up his handed-ness; this happened because I meant to flip it once I was done. Why I didn't just opt to draw it right the first time is beyond me. See below. 

Above: a really bad drawing of Johnny Depp

I went with a stylistic change or two compared to my other drawings; this kind of hits a middleground between my drawings that look like paintings, and the ones that look like cartoons. Success is debatable but it was my first time trying to do that, so I don't feel too bad about it. I'll embed a timelapse video of it's creation below. It's kind of a shame I didn't record a video of my last drawing, which I tried considerably harder on, but they're fun to make either way. The video sped up a lot, and I added a high-bpm song from Dance Dance Revolution, which seemed appropriate considering the "quick and dirty" approach I took. The drawing itself actually came out okay if you think about it that way.

You can actually see halfway through it, I decide to make it more cartooney. This happened because while I was drawing it, I kept the original sketch visible as the top layer, so I could reference it. Whenever I did that, it made a really thick outline that I thought improved it. If I was going to outline it so boldly, it was going to have to be cartooney, so I just went with it. I didn't sketch it out beforehand very well; I ordinarily take care with the joints, pose motion and whatnot. I just kind of barfed it onto the page, and you can see I had to keep fixing it in the video. You can see I actually forgot to highlight the hair; it's just one solid black shape. The resulting image was not by best, but was a bit fun to do while I take a break from the last series. Emi should be next on that one.