Thursday, March 20, 2014

enrique: the fighter with no name

the below is something I whipped up in about 10 minutes a few weeks ago, while the "embarrassment" part of my brain wasn't working. Matt texted me, saying that we'd be expected to come up with backstories for our D&D game the next night. It's short, full of spelling errors, only marginally funny, and goes absolutely nowhere. But the month of March has been kind of busy, and I don't have my next drawing done yet. It's meant to be accompanied by the music below, at a somewhat low volume. Enjoy!.

stories tell of a man with a moustache so majestic, the most interesting man in the world wishes he had one.

Born to a family of ranchers with a power level of over 9000, Enrique, the fighter with no name, was the strongest of them all

able to conquer 2 burritos in a single meal, and able to sell you a bag of oranges and then steal it in the same day, he had been waiting for an opportune time to cross the border.

after watching several episodes of coyote and roadrunner, built a catapault to clear the mexican border, so that he could finally embark on a quest for the magic pinata.

equipped with his magic potion, contained in a bottle labelled jose quervo, he rode a magic coyote to the citadel of angels, in search of the pinata

there were battles, with the fearsome street gangs, and also the INS, until he reached the colusseum of los doyers. He defeated all 9 of los doyers with his bat, named simply "bat" when, from out of the darkeness, emerged his nemesis: Dirty Sanchez.

'hace muchos anos" he said.
"y este vez, vas a morrir, puto", replied enrique

what ensued was a most glorious battle, but i dont want to bore you with that. standing over dirty sanchez's dead-ass body, enrique declared himself victor. that is, THE victor. victor is his brother. Now holding the magic pinata, he broke it over his leg, spilling candy all over the ground.

"que?" he said.

This was not what he was expecting. what happened to the 100 percent pure columbian gold? it was what made the magic pinata magic. disappointed, but unwilling to accept defeat, he left the citadel, bought a churro on the way out, and decided he would start a new journey.

he would assemble the finest band of adventurers that would be available thursday evenings sometimes, in the same convenient geographical location, find mad lootz. and cocaine. lots of cocaine.

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