Sunday, June 6, 2010


okay, heeeeeeeeeere we go. I hate the G4 network. It sucks. It is currently the only video-game themed television network you can get, derived from (but no longer inclusive of) the pan-technology network, techTV. I'm a 23 year old male in college who has played videogames his entire life. I am literally the target audience for this network. If I was any more perfect for the G4 network, I would be 50 pounds heavier and not be so tan. And you know what? The network started out not-so-bad. Previous iterations of its current Attack of the Show program were more than tolerable, and I enjoyed it. They also had a fantastic, intelligent games review program called Judgement Day, hosted by Victor Lucas and Tommy Tallarico, at least one of whom has actually worked in the games industry. This show was phased out in favor of X-PLAY, a show hosted by Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb. See a sample of their review style here:

It's horrible. The two hosts (their TV personas anyway) come off as sociopathic and obnoxious, and the program does not give any really useful information. They rate on a 5-point scale which you can take or leave. I'm not a fan of that scale despite its rising popularity. More on that hopefully another day. For every part of the show that is actually what you can call game reviews, there are skits and segments that don't inform you about anything. One example would be a segment in which they took time to just show Morgan Webb building a computer to play Crysis. It was literally them just listing expensive PC parts and putting them together (it was not a how-to with instructions or anything). Here's what I mean:

I don't want to embed too many videos, so if you want to see how Judgement Day stacks up, click here. Special attention goes to the 3-minute-ish mark where they break it down.

Last time I checked, they also have this annoying habit of finding something sexual in a game they review and playing that clip over and over. Like most of the games media industry, G4 also devotes a lot more coverage to XBOX than anything else. It's not a huge complaint, but I use a PS3 and am not interested in having an XBOX. It would just be nice to have programming related to games I play. Then again, you can't expect them to please everyone. As of 06-06-10, XBOX outnumbers PS3. It outnumbers it 3 - 2. That's a big difference, but I dont think it is enough to exclude PS3 to the extent that most games media does. If anything, Wii coverage should outnumber them both by a HUGE number.
Attack of the Show, a program I could enjoy years ago, got revamped somewhere around E3 2006 when they dropped Sarah Lane and Brendan Moran and brought in Olivia Munn. I don't really mind Olivia, but the show covers stuff much much broader than videogames now. This alone does not make the show bad, and for what it's worth Kevin Pereira is still an entertaining host. But why the hell would they expand the format if it's a videogame network? They have a ton of stuff that's not even related to technology. For example, they have a segment with sex columnist Anna David called "In Your Pants" where she answers sex-related questions from viewers. [EDIT: They no longer use Anna from what I've seen. It's worse now.] It can be useful, sure, but it has NOTHING to do with technology or games. It's like a show about cars on the Food network.
This doesn't even include the network's other programming. AOTS and X-PLAY at least include games and tech, but G4 has a ton of programs that have absolutely 0 to do with technology. Cops reruns, The International Sexy Ladies Show, Totally Outrageous Behavior, Lost, Heroes and Ninja Warrior are completely out of place. Ninja Warrior is actually pretty awesome, but again what on earth is it doing on G4?

COPS: Because they have cops in GTA

Ok I need to stop. I'm pissing myself off. I know a lot of people have to work hard to get TV shows out to people, and it's not like they aren't trying. Stylistically though, the network could use a lot of work. Let me just say this: G4 is not the place to go if you're looking for intelligent programming for gamers. What pisses me off is that the network thinks that because I'm a gamer I must also think SpikeTV is awesome; I must also be into explosions in general and think Megan Fox is the most desirable woman on the planet. Seriously that's all this network is: SpikeTV with one or two tech-related programs. If SpikeTV is a fratboy who love titties and beer, then G4 is its lameass teenage brother who loves energy drinks and stands in line for Halo. Maybe that's who the target audience is. And if that's who the word "gamer" applies to these days, then what the hell am I?

Don't answer that

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